Random Twit

"Interestingly, the residents of Washington DC don't have representation in Congress because the District of Columbia isn't a state. We have 'shadow representatives' that can't vote on bills. 500,000 Americans who suffer from 'no representation without taxation.'"
Michael E., Washington D.C., US


Ask this fellow if he's any idea why this is so. He'll be clueless. He'll probably start with an assumption that the republicans had something to do with it, and conclude with a conspiracy theory involving racism. Point out to him that these 500,000 suffering citizens live entirely on money taken from the 50 states, and he'll accuse you of hate speech.

Perspective

Question: How many stars are in our galaxy?

Answer: Recent estimates are 400 Billion give or take 50%

So at the most, there are fewer stars in the Milky way than dollars being printed up by the Federal Reserve.

The American Dream

The government and culture of the U.S. has been designed over time to make life as comfortable, and as lucrative as possible, for accountants, lawyers, bankers, and elected officials. In other words, it's a parasite's paradise.

Those that actually produce goods and services outside the banking and legal sectors are fed upon by an arrogant, swinish minority.

It's appalling to watch the promotion of such software as Quicken - listening to users declare how happy they are now that they can finish all the mind-fucking financial chores imposed on them in less time than ever before.

Gee, I guess with the time they've saved, they can handle a little more paperwork. How about some more tax code?

The greatest American Industry

This is what I want to do:

I want to download the transactions from last year into a program. I want the program to take all the transactions and sort them by categories such as 'date', 'amount', 'vendor', etc. Once sorted, I want to select all transactions by a particular vendor and assign them a tax category.

I would also like to choose the size of the type used in the program to make it easier to read. Apparently, all such features are impossible to include in a single fucking application. I've spent hours registering in support forums, chat rooms and 'knowledge bases' all to no avail.

Here's what I'd rather have done:

The government stops extorting my money and leaves me the fuck alone.

The GD income tax

I've just spent the last few hours entering data about last year's financial transactions only to find out that I'd made a mistake - even though the program 'Quicken' indicated it was responding as I expected. All this of course is to satisfy the IRS's presumption of guilt, in the event they decide to take a look at me. It's a damned yearly chore, and months of anxiety, just to prove that I'm allowed to keep an extra thousand dollars of my own. My taxable income last year was ... 10k less than the mean. Living in Los Angeles, this is a mean figure indeed, and yet, the Federal Gov. wants/demands my help. The industry that's built on the idiotic and corrupt taxation of the people is enormous and growing in good times or bad. Of course I sleep better at night knowing that those damn rich people are paying a higher percentage than little ole' me. Right?

Obamanomics!

It's my term, I've coined it. Its mine, mine, mine.

Judy Woodruff is a dishonest twat.

In my opinion, Time-Warner is a criminal organization.

I was supposed to start a detox program today, but I was was given the wrong directions to the center and never found it. When I got home and called it was made clear, but I'd have to wait until next week to start. I was disappointed, angry and felt like crying or killing. I made it all the way home without stopping at a liqueur store. But it was Friday night, and I'd nothing to look forward too but the still insanity of life in my apartment. I got back into the car and picked up a bottle of Skyy Vodka - a small one. As usual, along with my receipt was included a three dollar coupon for my nest bottle. I've saved at least 18 dollars now on vodka. In fact even more as I punch in my Albertson's club number for an additional savings of two dollars. It's a drunkard's dream. Here's to next week when all will be made better as I remove the demon alcohol from my life.

I'm on the internet tonight reading postings in the rant and rave section of Craig's list and I come across this post titled "re:re:re: Brad Pitt's Penis". Now my first instinct is - oh for Pete's sake don't open that ... but then there it is ... and it says "damn, no wonder Jennifer left him". Now as I'm scrolling down the list to find the previous post I'm thinking what kind of low-life shit is this, who would post such a thing ... and then there it was ... "re"re: Brad Pitt's penis". And it was apparently some gay guy that wanted to see his butt instead. So now I'm pretty disgusted because I really Brad and I can't stand this kind of small-minded, anonymous, gossipy shhh - stuff.

I wasn't going to look at the original posting ... but then I realized I'd already defiled myself, and I might as well see what all the talk's about ... and then there he was - naked. And I see him you know .. naked and I'm thinking, 'so what's the problem here?' I mean I've done some research on it and according to my sources I'm - he's just average.

Nothing wrong with that.

And then I thought, hey, that's pretty cool; Brad Pitt and I have something in common.

This I think is a perfect personal ad for the entire city of Los Angeles:

I turn heads when I walk in a room - tall, long legs, beautiful features.
I'm also intelligent, friendly and frequently kind to strangers.

I am looking for a genuine connection with a gentleman who is intelligent, cultured, traveled, self-aware and successful.

I am especially attracted to men who have built their own empires or are in some other way highly independent and self-made.If this describes you - please send a photo and a clear, intelligent and personalized (no cut-and-paste generic) description of who you are. Your picture gets mine.Thank you!

Europe, 1349

Bands of hooded men, wearing white robes marked front and back with a red cross, are moving to and fro across Europe, attempting to atone for the ravages of the Black Death by whipping themselves in ritual public ceremonies.
The Flagellant Brahren, as they are known, believe that the plague is a punishment for human sin, and that by scourging themselves they can show mankind's repentance. They travel in parties of anything from 50 to 500 men, and are highly organized. Led by a layman - the master - they move from town to town to perform their rituals. Singing hymns and sobbing, the men beat themselves with scourges studded with iron spikes. Blood gushes from their many wounds, and the spikes embed themselves in the torn flesh. The ritual is perform ed in public twice each day.

Such exhibitions are highly influential. The establishment may focus their attacks on church corruption and their promotion of a wave of savage anti-Semitism. but the masses worship the flagellants as living martyrs. Their deeds are to be admired and their commands to be carried out.

Early Rock Stars?

My career is looking up:

hi,

I found your headshot through lacasting.com

would you be interested in auditioning for the lead role in 'the Creep'? It's a short movie, shot on film with pro crew. We'll be shooting for 4 days on Feb 16th through the 19th - around UCLA campus area (I'm a graduate student at the UCLA film school). Hope you're available then.

how is Tuesday, Feb 24th look like for auditions - between 11am and 3pm? We could also do it on Thursday between 11am and 3pm.

attached are sides for the role

regards,

Xavier

Angry?

Me?

Well, yes as a matter of fact, and I invite you to go through life with a face like mine and an unreliable six inch pecker and give me your results.

All you nice-looking freaks that subscribe to the philosophy that one generates one's reality by thinking are pathetically deluded.

You couldn't begin to imagine the things I have, and here I am after all, writing screeds to the abyss.

It's tomorrow now for over two hours. I've been perusing the JDate site after putting up a profile under the name Pontius. I'm a bit morbid and strangely romantic. I'm sad and horny, imagine the theme from the Godfather playing. I write down just what I'm thinking and after I submit my profile, I'm immediatly shown a number of women who are online. I send them a form message/flirt which is all that is allowed for the free membership. After about 10 minutes I rececive an email notiflying me that someone has responded, but when I try to check the message I'm taken to the purchase membership page. Shit! What if the message is just some welcome thing generated by the goddamned computer? 35 dollars just to say hello? Why is it that every encounter with a woman ends up costing money?

I went back into my profile and slipped in an email address in the "What is a perfect first date" category.

I stand in my kitchen quiet and very still
There's this old electic clock and it's little motor is
the only sound in the apartment
Time is being kept and

I notice it's tomorrow now
and today later

I'll go to see a therapist
I'll tell her about the failure

that is my life and of course
she will sympathize professionally


I'll pay the lowest rate allowed on the sliding scale
losers get a discount

later I'll be standing alone
again drunk in my kitchen
the little clock still making noise
my wallet thirty dollars lighter
the windows dark.

Still alive - not dead yet. It's been three years I think, and I'm suprised they still have me up here. It's raining in Los Angeles. The light is cold pale gray. My house smells old and dust covers everything. Even the cat is smelling old. My life is an empty affair.

The almost-alcoholic fills justified in pouring himself a drink at a minute past noon.
The all-the-way alcoholic starts pouring at 11:30 as soon as his hand stops shaking.

Some wisdom from the Kama Sutra

The following women are not to be enjoyed:
· A leper
· A lunatic
· A woman turned out of caste
· A woman who reveals secrets
· A woman who publicly expresses desire for sexual intercourse
· A woman who is extremely white
· A woman who is extremely black
· A bad-smelling woman
· A woman who is a near relation
· A woman who is a female friend
· A woman who leads the life of an ascetic
· And, lastly the wife of a relation, of a friend, of a learned Brahman, and of the
king


___________

06/04/03
I often spend mornings sitting in the courtyard outside Peet's coffee. It's a nice long walk to get there (my almost daily exercise) and there's always plenty of people to watch until I can think of something to write, or someone leaves a newspaper behind.

Today I observed some young healthy-looking homeless sort going from table to table asking for spare change. His request was simple, non-threatening, and he took refusal without any grief and moved on.

This process I thought, is not so different from auditioning. Indeed, success in both endeavors requires a combination of endurance and charm that can persuade the public to open their purses and wallets.

For a bum, endurance is a given, but when it comes to charm, there's a noticeable scarcity among the ranks.

For an actor of course, charm is seldom lacking, but as to endurance, well there's always distractions like rent, groceries and the DMV.

The comparison of auditioning to panhandling may seem cynical but it's fair. The real difference is only in the degree of ambition, and of course the absence of any professional instruction for bums.

Most of us don't really worry about the homeless anymore than we do about actors. So the proposal I'm about to make should not be misconstrued as charity but rather a business model with a socially laudable side effect.

For the time being I'll just refer to this idea as Headshots for the Homeless(HH).

With the growing popularity of "Reality" shows, and the phenomenal return on initial expenses, I'm imagining a contest of three rounds of elimination.

Round one: After a careful screening of contestants for personality and intelligence, 15 homeless people are posted on a web site. Each has a headshot along with a notable quote/insight on being homeless, and a one or two minute "on the street interview" to give the public a sense of the character. The visitors to the website are invited to vote for their favorites by making a donation for each vote of fifty cents to a charitable foundation. Promos can be run anticipating the eventual airing of round two on television and would actually qualify as public service announcements. The idea is to make celebrities out of people on the very bottom of the socio-economic scale while raising money for worthy causes.

Round two: After a month or more of the promotion and voting, the top five contestants are to appear in a real-time event as each hustles as much spare change as they can. This money is also to be given to the charity. And let's suppose that during this same time period, anyone can make votes on the Internet sight as well. Each contestant is rigged with a hidden camera and microphone (wireless) and we cross cut between all the players as the time counts down.

Round three: The finalists are the two who've raised the most money. We then take these two, dress them up make them the maitre'de in some place like Spagos in Beverly Hills. Again the object is to raise money by hustling handouts or in this case "gratuities".

Just a thought, and maybe a poke in the eye of the asinine viewership of network television. In any case, it's my idea and if somebody out there makes it I expect a producers credit and several points of the gross.

There's a sexual act called "Blumping".

This act consists of one person giving fellatio while the recipient is having a bowel movement. That's all I know about it. I don't know if a toilet is necessary, some folks are more outdoorsy types.

Now, I know that being "Judgmental" is frowned on these days, but in my opinion, people that engage in this sort of thing are some damn queer ducks!

And that's okay ... We're a tolerant bunch here in LA.

But what really Gaul's me is that if I were wealthy enough, and some "Blumper" or some "Blumpering" couple were willing to go public, I could/would be sued for hurting their feelings!

blump
v. blumped, blump·ing

It hardly gives an impression of the action it denotes. I mean it sounds kind of cuddly doesn't it? It sounds like something out of Winnie the Pooh.

There are all kinds of sex acts, and the more depraved, the cuter the term. But as too the common sex acts that we all like and look forward too, we've the terms "Fucking" and "Cocksucking". What's with that? What is it with American English that we can't come up with better, less offensive terms for what is for most, a daily concern? Our cousins across the pond have a term "shagging" which I rather like, but here in the land of productivity we don't shag around. We Fuck.

Think about it. A typical American couple has to negotiate sexual satisfaction with one term that means "to stab" and the other that's more often than not, an insult.

But when "Blumpers" are communicating it sounds rather pleasant:

"Darling, I can hardly wait until we're blumping again."

"Oh god, blump me! Blump me now!"

By the way, does anybody know what a "Cleveland Steamer" is?