The next stage already! She's sent the next three prescribed questions:

1. When do you feel most afraid?
"I don't really remember."

2. Does life look good to you right now? Describe your current emotional health.
"It's a half full perspective - I'm struggling as an actor and while I'm more excited about my life than ever, I'm also the most poor than I've ever been. It's more important to look forward to tomorrow than have financial success."

3. What are you looking for in a relationship partner?
"Oh Jeez. Nice little tits and a clean, wet yoni."

"Now we need you to ask three (3) short-answer questions that you would like M. to answer. You may either write your own questions in the boxes provided or select from the list of questions below. When you are satisfied with your questions/selections, click on the Continue button at the bottom of the page and we will send your questions to M."

Question 1
Who's your favorite Beatle?
Question 2
Are some people smarter than other people?
Question 3
Are you allergic to cats?

Well, things are moving right along with the latest match. As to my suspicions, review the info below and ponder whether or not she thinks as I suspect:

"Below are a list of 'Must Haves' and 'Can't Stands'. Review this list carefully and ask yourself honestly: How many of these criteria fit with who I am?

There will be ample time for you to ask for clarification of items and her interpretation. Now's the time to be candid with yourself. If you know that you don't fit with most of her Must Have's and Can't Stands, you should let M. know and end communication now."


Must Haves:
Chemistry...
I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.
Education...
I must have someone whose educational achievements match my own.
Emotionally Generous...
I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love.
Intellect...
I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.
Family Life...
I must have a partner who is committed to marriage, home, and family.
Shared Politics...
I must have someone who has political beliefs which are the same or similar to my own.
Spirit of Volunteerism...
I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.
Parent Care...
I must have someone who is willing to help me take care of my parents, now or when the time comes.
Spiritual Acceptance...
My partner must accept and respect my spiritual beliefs, whether they share them or not.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.

Can't Stands:
Lying...
I can't stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.
Cheating...
I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Anger...
I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.
Mean Spirited...
I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.
Boorishness...
I can't stand someone who is inclined to rowdy, vulgar or disrespectful behavior when "having fun."
Drugs...
I can't stand someone who uses illegal recreational drugs.
Racist...
I can't stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity.
Addictions...
I can't stand someone who currently suffers from addictions.
Undependable...
I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.
Foul Mouthed...
I can't stand someone who swears or uses inappropriate language or humor.

Jeez! You'd think somebody that old would have a better sense of humor.

"I must have someone who has political beliefs which are the same or similar to my own."

This can only be a lefty, or a fundamentalist, and as to;

"I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes."

I don't think so. I just can't manage to work up any sense of white guilt, not with my family history and income. "Social causes" indeed! I'll bet she thinks "reparations" are legitimate demand.

And then there's;

"I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.

In other words she can't stand any disagreement with, or criticism of her emotionally-based political beliefs. Again, must be a liberal, or a fundamentalist.

(Of course I'm going to respond anyway, because I'm after all rather shallow and without conviction, and I also need some kind of entertainment.)

Well, another email has arrived notifying me of a potential mate. She seems to be in the Green Party/Hate Republicans camp, so I have my doubts, and of course, she's also my age. But maybe she's in the same state as I regarding the chronology of my age, and the shape my body is in. In any case I'm given the pitch below:

"Remember, a match from eHarmony is not ordinary and does not happen very often. We encourage you to take a closer look and continue the easy, safe and anonymous communication process. Let eHarmony guide you as you get to know your match from the "inside-out." Good luck!"

"Good luck!" is hardly the encouragement warranted from a service that claims to be so spot-on when it come to match ups. Imagine if your stockbroker said that after investing your money, or maybe a ticketing agent at an airlines after you've booked a flight to NYC.

Another woman sent the prescribed three questions selected from about 20 choices to me this morning. My answers are quoted:

How big is your extended family? What are the holidays like for you and your family?

"Mother is dead. Two brothers and Father left. I struck out on my own when 17 and never looked back"

What are your general feelings about money and personal wealth?

"I've no aversion to wealth and indeed have ambitions that could lead to it, however I'm not willing to spend the bulk of my waking life concerning how much money I can make or need to make. Hence, I live very frugally."

What are you looking for in a relationship partner?

"That's a difficult question, and the answer could entail paragraphs of reflection in lieu of some general platitudes. For now let's just say Sex and Support."

I figure the more honest the answers, the less time wasted. Of course I'm refraining from stating the most base of my intentions, but after all, it's those surprises that make a relationship so vital and interesting.

It's cold. The wind blows through my beach shack enough to move the curtains. I'm reluctant to heat the place as it's so quickly lost through the walls and loose windows. After awhile I seek relief by laying under my blankets. Then I sleep.

Another woman has responded to my queries on dHarmony, no picture yet , maybe she's an absolute beauty that wants to be sure the man she meets is interested in her inner self ? that would be a fine thing, but then, so would a winning lottery ticket.

I can't stand to sit in my apartment for more than a few hours.
I've no desire to watch TV, or read, or write anything for that matter.

I'm going mad I suppose; the lack of success, the lack of patience, the lack of nookie, give me reason/excuse to reach for the bottle and a credit card.

I hate the internet.

Okay, I know I'm living in paradise, at least compared to most folks, especially in Missouri, but due to unforeseen circumstances, i.e. being a failure, and my admittedly lax financial oversight of late, I discovered today that I've a mere 29 dollars left in my bank account.

It's troubling of course to have so little money, but it's even more unnerving having mailed off checks yesterday for over four hundred dollars worth of bill payments.

I was going to quit drinking today, I swear it.

I tried several times to fill out an online application for a crime scene cleanup job, but due to a typo, or an overlooked blank, I'd be required to hit "back" button and make corrections. However each time I did, the entire form would be empty. I wrote the email below in a bit of a snit.

"filling out the employment form is a real pain in that if one must hit the back button to correct any info, the entire form is blank and requires the reentry of all data. Who designed this? This is rudimentary stuff!"

A reply came back.

All the information is held in a database session variable and when everyone else pushes the back button the form "IS" repopulated. There must be something "rudimentary" on your end.

Any suggestions?

Mark K---------
President and CEO
Biotech Emergency Service

Shit. I wonder if that will have any affect on my employment qualifications...

The reality seems to be that if anything can go wrong with a digital device I'm using, it will.

This also seem to apply to any service I contract, or restaurants I dine at...

I'm the consumer age version of "Job".

An email sent to Bill O'Reilly:

A few days ago I was handed an email from the Iraqi front. It came from a U.S. Army Colonel in the Third Infantry Division.

He is deeply angered over much of the reporting he is seeing in the American media.

I have to protect his identity because the Pentagon does not like its officers going off the reservation and providing journalists like me this kind of perspective.

The following is what his email said:

"The Third (31D) is making history here. In the past 48 hours, we have destroyed two (Iraqi) divisions and six other divisions decided not to fight or have formally capitulated.

Of course, this is never reported in the news. I do daily air recon in a Blackhawk escorted by Apaches and we have probably killed close to 10,000 (Iraqi soldiers). We are continuously sniped at and receive periodic mortar fire.

Bottom line, they shoot - they die. Every American soldier (here) is getting a chance to engage and kill the enemy.

Iraq has these maniacs, death squad guys called Saddam Feddyen, DGS forces, IIS, and Ba'ath party forces that we spend most of our day killing.

They continuously make suicidal charges at our tanks, brads (fighting vehicles), and checkpoints. We are happy to send them to hell. You would not believe the carnage.

Imagine body parts about knee deep, with hundreds of (Iraqi) vehicles burning, occupants inside. We fill up trucks with body parts daily.

The plan is going exactly as scripted. The news is full of s***. We have almost total control. Don't know how much longer the division can keep up this pace, but we are prepared to do it."

-----

Well, I'm not getting any response to my queries regarding employment as a crime scene cleanup guy. What the hell, is this another one of those professions that require some kind of connection or family history like say Show biz?

I received an invitation to communicate with some woman thru the eHarmony system, But when I tried to respond, I was immediately taken to the payment plan page.

Okay, so I drop a hundred dollars for three months, figuring that after paying I'll be able to see a photo of the woman - but no. She, as well as every other "match" is declining to show a photo until later in the communication process. Red Flag!

Well, it's not bad for a day's worth of phone calls -

I've a new unemployment claim in the system,and an initial appointment with a doctor through my health insurance that began today as well, which I'm led to understand the difference in cost to me is 725.00.

Yeah baby! Welcome to the other side of the scam!

The casting agency called and they've a day player role for me - when it rains it pours!

I'm on the phone this morning dealing with the unemployment office, and the "Work source department", and the "This" department and the "That" Department, and I'm actually having a rather pleasant time of it I think, because before dialing, I'd become lightly stewed on some hot Sake.

Sake (Rice Wine) is quite magical - it is I think one of the best social lubricants ever concocted. Indeed, I've had more pleasant social interactions with complete strangers at a Sushi bar than at any other public gathering place. Sake brings out a measure of empathy and relaxed humor that facilitate some of the best human interaction I've experienced.

I tend to like people more readily when I'm in the relaxed state of mind induced by this particular form of alcohol. For some reason, I forget just how depraved the standard human is and view him/her as an interesting and reasonable sort. If most the world leaders could maintain this state of mind - we'd all be much less tense, and the graveyards nowhere near as full.

It's Ceasar Chavez day here in California, which means the unemployment office is closed and I'll have to wait yet another day before the claim checks arrive. Yeah, I know, I feel awful about my reliance on tax money, but then I remind myself about folks like Kenneth Lay and the rest of the White collar energy scumbags that within the space of 15 seconds stole ten times my yearly income, and who are now giving tens times more of the same ill-gotten gains to the lawyers protecting them.

Oh yeah - I just hate myself for being unemployed.

Which reminds me, I must schedule an appointment with the tax accountant to see how much more of the next-to-nothing I actually earned needs to be given the government.

War Coverage; MSNBC - Let's make it look really cool!
For Pete?s sake they've a graphic fest that would make Andy Warhol cream his tights. This is after all, news about killing people. It's disgusting, and speaks volumes about the culture we are part of. That kind of shallowness exists because there's a huge market for it. Shit sells - and sells well. This is also what out troops are 'fighting for' right - our way of life.

America is the glory and banality of a civilization that enriches the peasant.

"Congratulations! We're very happy that our matching system has several highly compatible matches for you. The next step towards creating a successful relationship is to choose an eHarmony membership option and begin communicating."

Everytime I follow the directions I'm taken back to the home page that asks me to log in again. That's a relationship worth noting. What a bunch of nicely layed out hooey. There's the young couple pressing their heads together smiling like a photo out of a Land's End catalogue. Stylish type and uplifting platitudes. Nice non-confrontational color scheme - something for everyone it seems ... IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO LOG IN!

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now
--------- R. Newman 1972

Regarding the 'peace now' mentality: I suspect a great deal of these sorts are more interested in being morally correct than pragmatically focused. Now with the war on, it's of little use to the people suffering, to be staging protests and burning effigies.

You've made your point; you're the enlightened, wise, and loving members of the human race - so much better than those who disagree with you - Got it!

Now about those poor bastards living in Iraq:

The best way to end this war is to win it; the sooner the better.

Instead of encouraging Saddam and his ilk with the ongoing protests, and hence prolonging the deprivations and terror being suffered by his captive population, it seems more humane and caring to now be demonstrating for his removal or surrender. Demonstrations should be clamoring for other Arab governments to stop supporting a ruler that has subjected their brothers to so many years of darkness, cruelty, and slaughter.

At some point, certainly after the onset of actual combat, I don't think one can "Support the troops and be against the war" if they continue to demonstrate against it. The demonstrations become de facto support of the other side.

The other side is trying to kill our soldiers.

I'm always considering a way to generate income and actually be interested in what I'm doing.

This is a hard call. I've a short attention span as well as a respectfully high IQ.

I'm not really suited to a waiter type job, or anything else that's "service oriented". I hate the public after all, and the last thing I need is attitude from some 20-something rich kid over his salad requirements.

Bar tending of course, would be ideal, but those jobs are jealously guarded, and handed down like rent-controlled apartments in NYC. I'm as likely to get a three picture deal before I ever get a shot a bar tending in LA.

Today however, I noticed this article about a company that contracts to clean up crime scenes - basically a maid service for murder and suicide locations. Now that's interesting! I'll bet it pays well, especially if one reaches a supervisory position.

Of course the content it would provide for this Blogging adventure is obvious. And in a perverse way it would probably make me a great deal more enthused about being alive.

(I'm told however that the majority of daily suicides in this city are failed actors ...)

Well, one must live on the edge eh?

I've been in denial about it for two days now, but it seems I've actually lost my notebook. Two months worth of observations, poetry, and laments.

Damn!!

This is as unbeilavable as news of a friends death. I keep thinking it must be lost in the car or somewhere, regardlesss of the fact that I've searched every possible place three times. I hope whoever finds it will have the decency to return it -

My name/phone# is in the front. Those political statements and plans are just an idea for a screenplay ...

Anyway, I'm unable to function without a notebook so I'm on my way to get another - "Moleskins" they're expensive little gems - 12 dollars - over-priced no doubt but they're well made and should remain intact until they finally arrive at the Smithsonian.

Well, my friend traded in his SUV for a Mini cooper. It's beautiful thing. But I'm troubled by the shallow envy I'm feeling - after all it's a material thing, a car for pete's sake! - and a diminishing asset as well.

But it's annoying when your friends can afford your good taste and you remain a critic on the bus.

Yesterday, before really considering it, I notified everyone on my email list of this new site. That was probably not a good idea. So if anything written in this 'BLOG' gives an aquaintenance of mine pause, please assume that "Uncle Randy" is a fictional guy, and the writer is not necessarly the same.