I was supposed to start a detox program today, but I was was given the wrong directions to the center and never found it. When I got home and called it was made clear, but I'd have to wait until next week to start. I was disappointed, angry and felt like crying or killing. I made it all the way home without stopping at a liqueur store. But it was Friday night, and I'd nothing to look forward too but the still insanity of life in my apartment. I got back into the car and picked up a bottle of Skyy Vodka - a small one. As usual, along with my receipt was included a three dollar coupon for my nest bottle. I've saved at least 18 dollars now on vodka. In fact even more as I punch in my Albertson's club number for an additional savings of two dollars. It's a drunkard's dream. Here's to next week when all will be made better as I remove the demon alcohol from my life.

I'm on the internet tonight reading postings in the rant and rave section of Craig's list and I come across this post titled "re:re:re: Brad Pitt's Penis". Now my first instinct is - oh for Pete's sake don't open that ... but then there it is ... and it says "damn, no wonder Jennifer left him". Now as I'm scrolling down the list to find the previous post I'm thinking what kind of low-life shit is this, who would post such a thing ... and then there it was ... "re"re: Brad Pitt's penis". And it was apparently some gay guy that wanted to see his butt instead. So now I'm pretty disgusted because I really Brad and I can't stand this kind of small-minded, anonymous, gossipy shhh - stuff.

I wasn't going to look at the original posting ... but then I realized I'd already defiled myself, and I might as well see what all the talk's about ... and then there he was - naked. And I see him you know .. naked and I'm thinking, 'so what's the problem here?' I mean I've done some research on it and according to my sources I'm - he's just average.

Nothing wrong with that.

And then I thought, hey, that's pretty cool; Brad Pitt and I have something in common.

This I think is a perfect personal ad for the entire city of Los Angeles:

I turn heads when I walk in a room - tall, long legs, beautiful features.
I'm also intelligent, friendly and frequently kind to strangers.

I am looking for a genuine connection with a gentleman who is intelligent, cultured, traveled, self-aware and successful.

I am especially attracted to men who have built their own empires or are in some other way highly independent and self-made.If this describes you - please send a photo and a clear, intelligent and personalized (no cut-and-paste generic) description of who you are. Your picture gets mine.Thank you!

Europe, 1349

Bands of hooded men, wearing white robes marked front and back with a red cross, are moving to and fro across Europe, attempting to atone for the ravages of the Black Death by whipping themselves in ritual public ceremonies.
The Flagellant Brahren, as they are known, believe that the plague is a punishment for human sin, and that by scourging themselves they can show mankind's repentance. They travel in parties of anything from 50 to 500 men, and are highly organized. Led by a layman - the master - they move from town to town to perform their rituals. Singing hymns and sobbing, the men beat themselves with scourges studded with iron spikes. Blood gushes from their many wounds, and the spikes embed themselves in the torn flesh. The ritual is perform ed in public twice each day.

Such exhibitions are highly influential. The establishment may focus their attacks on church corruption and their promotion of a wave of savage anti-Semitism. but the masses worship the flagellants as living martyrs. Their deeds are to be admired and their commands to be carried out.

Early Rock Stars?

My career is looking up:

hi,

I found your headshot through lacasting.com

would you be interested in auditioning for the lead role in 'the Creep'? It's a short movie, shot on film with pro crew. We'll be shooting for 4 days on Feb 16th through the 19th - around UCLA campus area (I'm a graduate student at the UCLA film school). Hope you're available then.

how is Tuesday, Feb 24th look like for auditions - between 11am and 3pm? We could also do it on Thursday between 11am and 3pm.

attached are sides for the role

regards,

Xavier

Angry?

Me?

Well, yes as a matter of fact, and I invite you to go through life with a face like mine and an unreliable six inch pecker and give me your results.

All you nice-looking freaks that subscribe to the philosophy that one generates one's reality by thinking are pathetically deluded.

You couldn't begin to imagine the things I have, and here I am after all, writing screeds to the abyss.

It's tomorrow now for over two hours. I've been perusing the JDate site after putting up a profile under the name Pontius. I'm a bit morbid and strangely romantic. I'm sad and horny, imagine the theme from the Godfather playing. I write down just what I'm thinking and after I submit my profile, I'm immediatly shown a number of women who are online. I send them a form message/flirt which is all that is allowed for the free membership. After about 10 minutes I rececive an email notiflying me that someone has responded, but when I try to check the message I'm taken to the purchase membership page. Shit! What if the message is just some welcome thing generated by the goddamned computer? 35 dollars just to say hello? Why is it that every encounter with a woman ends up costing money?

I went back into my profile and slipped in an email address in the "What is a perfect first date" category.

I stand in my kitchen quiet and very still
There's this old electic clock and it's little motor is
the only sound in the apartment
Time is being kept and

I notice it's tomorrow now
and today later

I'll go to see a therapist
I'll tell her about the failure

that is my life and of course
she will sympathize professionally


I'll pay the lowest rate allowed on the sliding scale
losers get a discount

later I'll be standing alone
again drunk in my kitchen
the little clock still making noise
my wallet thirty dollars lighter
the windows dark.

Still alive - not dead yet. It's been three years I think, and I'm suprised they still have me up here. It's raining in Los Angeles. The light is cold pale gray. My house smells old and dust covers everything. Even the cat is smelling old. My life is an empty affair.